FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
