this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
