We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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