If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
