what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
