his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
