What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
