I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
