I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
