Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
