so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
