I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
