I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
