She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
FUCK WHALES
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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