My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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