I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
