Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
