addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was confusing and full of hummus
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
