Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
