You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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