I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
