I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
