Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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