Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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