Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
