Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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