The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
