halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
