Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
