is wine microwaveable?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
