I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
