just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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