3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
