He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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