I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
