you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
