dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
