Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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