Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
