All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
