i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
