We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
