1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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