not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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