it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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