He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
