Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
