I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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