Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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