I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
