i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
