I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize