I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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