i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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