So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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