My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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