WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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