remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
