No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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