i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
