Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
