her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
