Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She even gives head with a lisp.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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