This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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