I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
