Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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