so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
