you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
