So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
