i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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