You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
