So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize