I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
this is an emotional support booty call
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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